We'll start out in Joe's Bar.  This is where you decide whether you want to be a boy or a girl.  

_ If you want to be a boy, go North West.  
_ If you wanna be a girl, go North East.  
_ The next thing to do is to get stool.  
_ Then piss.  
_ Then go back the way you came, either se or sw.  
¥ Now for the fun part... type lewd, then 19 (for your age).  
_ Now wait until you're in the cell.  
_ Get all.
_ Open door.
_ Go South.
_ Open narrow door.
_ Go South.
_ Get all.
_ Go North.
_ Go up.
_ Go North.
_ Turn on flashlight.
_ Stand on Trent.
_ Enter circle.
_ Hiss.
_ Go West.
_ Get jar.
_ Put all in basket.
_ Enter circle.
_ Get sword.
_ Go South.
_ Mount.
_ Go West.  You should be at the main hatch now.
_ Dismount.
_ Get suit.
_ Wear suit.
_ Open hatch.
_ Go North.  Now you are matched up against an assassin with bad breath.  You gotta kill him before he kills you.
_ Hit Thorbast with sword, then press g until it says that his sword is coming toward you.  This may take a long time, but it will work.  If you wish, you may want to alternate between commands like swing sword, hit sword, kill assassin, etc.  Anyway, once you see that happen...
_ Get his sword and then offer his sword to Thorbast.  Now with Thorbast out of the way...
_ Hit monster with sword and unstrap young woman.
_ Now follow young woman and you'll get the photo of Jean Harlow.
_ Now open door and go East.
_ You have a fun time with Elysia and then go South.
_ Go South.
_ Mount.
_ Go East.
_ Dismount.
_ Go West.
_ Go West.
_ Go West.
_ Enter circle.
_ Then wait and you should be at the ruins with the frog.  If not, then something is messed up.
_ Go West.
_ Go West.
_ Go North West.
_ Show painting to mouse.
_ Get mouse.
_ Go South.
_ Enter circle.  Now you should be in the basement.
_ Go up.
_ Go up.
_ Go North.
_ Enter circle.  Now you should be in the jungle.
_ Go East.
_ Go East.
_ Take stain.
_ Go North West.
_ Offer flashlight to salesman.
_ Get machine.
_ Knock on door.
_ Go down.
_ Give chocolate to male (or female if you're female) gorilla.
_ Type Z.
_ Type Z.
_ Make love to female gorilla (or male if you're female).
_ Get hose.
_ Eat chocolate.
_ Open cage.
_ Out.
_ Unstrap me.
_ Unstrap Trent.
_ Drop hose.
_ Pull switch.
_ Get up.
_ Get hose.
_ Enter circle.
_ Pull knob.
_ Open box.
_ Get coin.
_ Go South East.
_ Enter circle.  Now you should be at the royal docks.
_ Enter barge.
_ Press purple.
_ Press orange.
_ Type Z.
_ Type Z.
_ Type Z.
_ Type Z.
_ Press orange.
_ Out.
_ Go North.
_ Put all in basket.
_ Drop sword.
_ Get message.
_ Get balm.
_ Go South.
_ In.
_ Press orange.
_ Type Z.
_ Press orange.
_ Type Z.
_ Out.
_ Go East.
_ Go North East.
_ Y (don't worry, Trent and Tiffany never die).
_ Say "riddle".
_ Go West.
_ Read coded message.
_ Now type in the number that appears on the coded message, except type it in backwards.  The guard should reply, i'll summon that one.
_ Go West.
_ Type Z.
_ Ask wife to kiss my kneecaps.
_ Get all.
_ Drop stool.
_ Drop message.
_ Go down.
_ Say "kweepa".
_ Hop.
_ Clap.
_ Go North West.
_ Go North.
_ Go North East.
_ Go East.
_ Clap.
_ Go North East.
_ Hop.
_ Go North East.
_ Say "kweepa".
_ Clap.
_ Go South East.
_ Go down.
_ Go North West.
_ Hop.
_ Clap.
_ Go North East.
_ Go North.
_ Say "kweepa".
_ Go South.
_ Clap.
_ Hop.
_ Go North East.
_ Go up.
_ Go North West.
_ Clap.
_ Get phone book.
_ Say "kweepa".
_ Hop.
_ Go North West.
_ Clap.
_ Go South.
_ Go South East.
_ Go South East.
_ Go down.
_ Clap.
_ Hop.
_ Say "kweepa".
_ Go North East.
_ Go West.
_ Clap.
_ Go East.
_ Hop.
_ Go West.
_ Go South.
_ Clap.
_ Say "kweepa".
_ Go South West.
_ Get raft.
_ Hop.
_ Clap.
_ Go North.
_ Go South.
_ Go East.
_ Go North West.
_ Clap.
_ Say "kweepa".
_ Hop.
_ Go North.
_ Go up.
_ Get pin.
_ Go North.
_ Go East.
_ Go South East.
_ Go up.
_ Enter circle.  Now you've passed the hardest part in the game.  By the way, if you didn't follow the above catacomb directions to the letter, you should be dead.
_ Anyway, now you shouldn't be able to see.  So type d until the floor crashes in.
_ Drop torch.
_ Drop map.
_ Enter circle.
_ Go West.
_ In.
_ Press orange.
_ G.
_ Type Z.
_ Type Z.
_ Type Z.
_ Out.
_ Press orange.
_ Go West.
_ Put stain on circle.
_ Drop stain.
_ Enter circle.
_ Go South.
_ Get sack.
_ Open sack.
_ Empty leaves.
_ Put all in sack.
_ Go North.
_ Go North East.
_ Go up.
_ Get sheet.
_ Tear sheet.
_ Tie strips together.
_ Tie rope to bed.
_ Throw rope out window.
_ 200.
_ Type Z.
_ Type Z.
_ Take headlight.
_ Climb down stairs.
_ Go East.
_ Move sod.
_ Enter circle.  You should now be at the end of the hallway.
_ Go North.
_ Enter circle.
_ Go East.
_ Go down.
_ Out.
_ Go South.
_ Go South East.
_ Donate coin to penguin.
_ Go South East.
_ Empty basket into sack.
_ Go North.
_ Get baby.
_ Put baby in basket.
_ Put blanket in basket.
_ Go South.
_ Go South.
_ Put basket on stoop.
_ Wait until she opens the door and takes the baby, then open door.
_ Enter igloo.
_ Take cotton balls.
_ Out.
_ Go North.
_ Go North West.
_ Go West.
_ Enter circle.  Now you should be at wattz up dock.
_ Go West.
_ Go West.
_ Go North West.
_ Put balm on lips.
_ Put pin on nose.
_ Drop all.
_ Cover ears with hands.
_ Close eyes.
_ Kiss frog.
_ Get blender.
_ Take pin off nose.
_ Drop pin.
_ Take off balm.
_ Drop balm.
_ Show painting to mouse.
_ Take mouse (make sure you show him painting first).
_ Take all but balm and pin.
_ Go West.
_ Go North.
_ Go North.
_ Open compartment.
_ Put jar in compartment.
_ Close compartment.
_ Turn on machine.
_ Open compartment.
_ Get jar.
_ Rub cream on daughter.
_ Get angle.
_ Go North.
_ Put raft in water.
_ Get in raft.
_ Type Z.
_ Type Z.
_ Type Z.
_ Type Z.
_ Type Z.
_ Type Z.
_ Grab dock.
_ Go South.
_ Go East.
_ Go South.
_ Give coin to proprietor.
_ Search dust.
_ Now press g until you grab the tube, then go North.
_ Open tube.
_ Put circle on ground.
_ Enter circle.
_ Type Z.
_ Type Z.
_ Give blender to Trent.
_ Give hose to Trent.
_ Give cotton balls to Trent.
_ Give angle to Trent.
_ Give headlight to Trent.
_ Give mouse to Trent.
_ Give photo to Trent.
_ Give phonebook to Trent.
_ The end.
